Longing for some paint to tame

What a life. Torn off, excessive, chaotic, unstable, and useless in many ways. Stuck within that mess of a brain I found it nearly impossible to start up a new painting.
Finally I saved a few hours of my saturday afternoon to sit down and doodle the layout for a painting to come. The subject matter is quite sarcastic towards myself, even though I don't want it to depict an introspective situation. I've been turning that in my head for a long time, with that fear of sounding misplaced, but gave up on auto-censoring. The fact is I am in an urgent need to paint, for mental sanity's sake.
Maybe I have some urgent concerns to expell.